So it's been a few days since I've posted. It's been a LONG few days. The latest challenge I'm trying to overcome is weaning off some of my meds. I've been on an anti-depressant for a bit and would like to try going off. I'm seeing more and more that the side effects aren't really worth it and I just want to see how I do without it. Let's be honest, I'm not anti-depressant deficient... there's something going on that was making me feel depressed. I need to work on the overall solution rather than just masking the symptoms.
I've been exercising more and that's been helping a bit. Running has been messing with my knee though but I got new shoes the other day that should help remedy that situation. Evidently I pronate a lot when I run. I went to BlueMile and got a gait analysis done. When they slowed the video of me running on the treadmill it looked like I was trying to sprain my ankle every time I took a stride. It was scary looking. Well these fancy running shoes actually have a harder piece of rubber on the inside part of the sole to hopefully help me from rolling my ankle to the inside as much. David and I went for a run today and it felt really wierd at first just getting used to them. By the end of the run though I think I might actually be a fan. Did I mention that they have amazingly pink accents?!?!? They look soooo feminine and soooo intense. I'm going to kick ass with my pink shoes!!!
Anywho... I tried my first yoga class the other day to try and help me relax and stretch and stuff and it wasn't bad at all. I actually kinda liked it, except part of the way through the class my shoulder started hurting and I couldn't do some of the moves to their entirety. I ended up going to my amazing chiro and they way I understood, it was like I had fallen and hurt my shoulder... but I hadn't. I'm just special. It still hurts today and I've been icing it and she put kinesio tape on it but it started to itch. I took it off this morning and I had just strips of hives all over my shoulder. I woke David up and he helped me with the cortisone cream b/c I couldn't reach it all b/c of my shoulder being hurt. I mean I can't even sleep right b/c it hurts to put too much pressure on it. It even hurt tonight as we were running. Evidently I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders when I run. Hmm.... who would have thunk? ;)
Speaking of trouble sleeping.... this weaning situation is kicking my ass royally. It's sooooo dumb that nowadays we truly are in a pill popping society. For EVERY ailment there's a pill you "should" take. Let's be honest, there's no need for half this stuff. I don't have a pill deficiency, I have stuff going on. Let's look at the bigger picture instead of getting people hooked on these meds that are a bitch to get off of. I'm on the second week of weaning and life is hell right now. I've got migraines almost every day when I wake and I'm nauseated most of the day. I'm tired all the time and I'm foggy and can't think straight. Even today my boss talked to me about the fact that he's noticed that I'm not like I used to be. I get that he's concerned but it makes me sad when my boss notices that I'm struggling. Ugh. All I'm trying to do is better my life and it seems like it's falling apart right now. I know part of that is the lack of meds talking but dang.
Let's focus on some happy things that don't make me cry or upset nowadays:
David is a rockstar! Tonight he said let's go run. It was great for the two of us to just go and have some time running together. It was refreshing and was a good burn.
Melanie is my person :) I got to see her last night when I took a can opener over for her to borrow. We were able to just have some one on one time and catch up. She really is a great person.
Natalie is a wonderful long time friend. We were able to get together this past weekend and hang out for a little while. It was amazing to hang out and have some good laughs.
Michaele is a great laugh! At work EVERY DAY we find something to giggle over. Usually it doesn't make sense to anyone else and that's the best part. We're 12 yrs. old together and we can just see a hot dog and bust out laughing.
Our friends the Barnetts. They are such beautiful people and it's been truly inspirational to hang out with them more recently. They have had such a wonderful thing happen to their family and are just dealing with the aftermath of it all. They are so strong and deserve all the good things coming their way. They are just so funny and have such positivity coming from them. I hope to be even just a fraction of the amazing family they are one day.
The house... we finally set a time period to move in!!! It's in two weeks so that gives us time to pack and finish cleaning over there. It's sooooo close, I can almost taste it! It's going to be utterly relaxing just to be able to have a house to call home.
Overall life isn't bad. I just need to take a few moments to just sit back. Breathe. Think about the good things that we have going and just try to worry less. Yes, bills are going to come... and keep coming, and keep coming. But ya know what? We have each other and the smiles and laughter. That's what truly matter. Damn withdrawal... I'm crying now. Seriously, I do love where I am. I just have to let myself live and learn.
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